Mid-Cycle Check, IUI #3

Northern Starr and I were soooo excited to be able to see my right ovary that we got to our REs 45mins before our appointment lol! But without further a do... Ladies and gents... my right ovary

She has some follies in their too. But none were mature enough to be a contender. On my left side however.... were 2 really good candidates!!! Here they are.

My follicles measured 19x20 and 21x25 We are a go, mission control for IUI#3!!!

CD 7 of IUI#3

My hot flashes have begun.  I started taking Clomid on CD 3, I'm surprised its taken this long.  My last day on Clomid is this Saturday.

I really hope and pray that my follies will be really mature, I want at least 3 "good" ones.  At the end of July, Dr. S saw around 50 follices in my left ovary.  And now that my right ovary should be visible, I'm more optimistic that everything will work out!  I know, I know.... I shouldn't set myself up and jinx it.  I will be devastated if this isn't "THE ONE." 

I wish infertility didn't exsist!  Next month will mark our 3 years of trying to get pregnant.  Lets hope we won't have to mark it ;)

Post Operation Check-Up

Overdue again, I blame myself for being lazy.

We got to our REs on the 27^th, waited in the waiting room for a few minutes and Glenna (Dr. B’s nurse) called us back.  She took us straight to the exam room.  Northern Starr said, “Wow, no choice for you, it’s straight to the exam room!”  So we get in there and Glenna tells me to just unbutton my pants and lay down so Dr. B can inspect my incision scar.  Then she left the room.

I just looked at Northern Starr… “They’re not going to look at my ovary?  I want to see it.  I shaved my legs for this!”  Insert Northern Starr’s uncontrollable laughing here. LOL!

Dr. B comes in and checks my scar.  He said that I’m healing just perfectly!!!  I told him that I’m still numb from under my belly button to the top of my scar.  He said that I may never get feeling back there.  It’s all about the way my nerves heal and come together.  Dr. B said that if I do get feeling back, it will come and go a lot.  Insert my shocked face here, and Northern Starr’s “I told you so.”  Hate that he knows a lot of medical stuff.  I’m never right in these situations.  All because he’s a certified EMT.  BLAH!

Afterwards, Dr. B said for me to get dressed and for us to meet him in his office and we’ll go over a few things.  He left; I sat up, got off the table and buttoned back up.  We headed over to his office, down the hallway.  We talked about Provera, which I told him that I wanted because even though I started when I was supposed to after my surgery, it was only for 2 days and really light, so I didn’t have much of a period.  He agreed and wrote the prescription.  Then he asked what we wanted to do as far as treatment.  I said that we want to do Clomid plus injectables.  Dr. B said, “let’s compromise.”  He feels that it’s too soon to jump into something that will over stimulate my ovaries, so we are just going to do Clomid this cycle with the IUI.  Should this cycle not work, we can do Clomid plus the injections.  And possibly back to back IUIs. 

Game plan set.

I started taking the Provera and 5 days after AF came.  I’m on CD 3 now, day 1 of Clomid.  And our mid cycle check is on the 23^rd.

Provera made me more grumpier than usual.  And now, with the Clomid, here comes more moodiness and the hot flashes.  Bring it on!!  It will all be worth it in the end when we are holding our little bundle(s) of joy!

Seeing Dr. B Tomorrow!

So tomorrow is my post operation appointment!  I must say that my scar looks great!  Like in the middle of it, it doesn't even look like I've had surgery!!!

I hope tomorrow Dr. B will do a vaginal ultrasound (weird that I actually want it this time lol) just so I can FINALLY see my right ovary... In all her wonderful, beautiful, magnificent glory =).  This is what IF does people.  I never thought I'd be excited for a Dr to examine my va-jay-jay.  We're also hoping that he will start me on Provera asap so we can get this party started! 

On another note... This will be my first attempt at posting a picture on here.  Hopefully I do it right... Here is a picture of Northern Starr's sisters son.  He's going to be such a heart breaker!!!  16 months old and full of Handsome!!!

Yay I did it!!!  Okay have a great rest of the week yall!  I'll post next week about our appointment with Dr. B and if slash when we will be able to start up treatments.  My FIL got a job in South Carolina, so Northern Starr and I are driving him there and helping him get unpacked and situated this weekend.  Post-Op tomorrow (Thursday), leave for SC Friday, unpack everything Saturday, and then drive back to VA Sunday and it's back to the work week grind. 

Side Note:  Don't worry, I'm still not allowed to carry anything heavy, so I won't be moving any boxes, that's for the boys to do.  I'll be inside unpacking those boxes and putting things away.  =]

Surgery: Part 1

This is so long overdue… You can blame the pain meds that made me sleep ALL THE TIME and my husband for not setting up our laptop for me to blog about the surgery.

So Thursday, the night before the surgery, we stayed up as long as we could and ate dinner REALLY late since I wouldn’t be allowed to drink or eat anything as of 12am Friday.  We went to bed close to 12am.  Northern Starr fell asleep quick, he tends to do that, he can fall asleep anywhere.  I on the other hand, didn’t fall asleep until 2am.  My alarm goes off at 7am.  Needless to say that I kept waking up throughout that 5 hour span; but I got out of bed, got ready, and we were off on our 1 ½ journey to the hospital.

We arrived at the hospital and checked in.  Almost immediately a nurse brought us back for me to put on “my party dress and party hat” as she called it, and to sign some papers and answer any questions we had.  Later we met the anesthesiologist, Northern Starr asked him if there was anything they could give me to help calm me down because I kept shaking my right foot and twirling my hair LOL!  He said of course and that his nurse would come in and give it to me once my IV was set up.  He left, and my nurse started to hook me up to my IV.  As soon as she did it, I started balling!  It finally hit me… I am having surgery done… today.  You know when little kids cry hysterically?  Eyes screwed shut, mouth wide open, snot rolling out of their nose, and it sounds like they’re having trouble breathing on their own?  Yeah, that was me.  And the funny thing is; I’m not exaggerating.

My nurse then left to find my anesthesiologists’ nurse.  While she was gone, Dr. S came into my room!  She was dressed in scrubs and told me that she was going to be in the operating room with me.  Dr. B was the lead surgeon and that she would be assisting him!  It felt great knowing that both of my REs were going to be “working” on me.  But that didn’t stop my crying.  She left, Dr. B came in… he saw me crying, and he kept telling me that everything is going to be okay and he held my hand and rubbed my leg and he left the room.  Then the anesthesiologist nurse came in and I watched her start to inject the calming medicine into my IV.  I saw the medicine was halfway gone and then I was out.  I do not remember anything after that, the next thing I remembered was semi waking up in the recovery room.

Per Northern Starr this is what happened after I received the calming medicine.

            ***As soon as the nurse gave me all of the calming medicine, I reached down to the foot of my hospital bed, grabbed “my party hat” and put it on my head and started to stuff my hair in it.  I started to get frustrated because not all of my hair was getting in it (thanks layers!).  Northern Starr told me it was okay not to put it all in the hat, but I kept doing it until it was all in there.  I was having conversations with anyone who came into my room.  When it was time for them to roll me back to the operating room, Northern Starr kissed me and told me that he’d see me in recovery, that he loves me, and that I’m so brave for doing this for our soon to be family.  While they pushed me away, I was talking to everyone.***

I really wish I knew what I was saying.  I hope nothing embarrassing LOL.

Late Post... My Bad

A million thoughts have been running through my head since Dr. S called me back with the results of my ultrasound.  I was nervous as hell for my MRI.

The MRI wasn’t all that bad.  But that’s all thanks to the nurse that did it.  She was so sweet and funny, I just wanted to be her friend.  She gave me a washcloth to put over my eyes so I wouldn’t be able to see the machine around me and become claustrophobic.  Even though I know I’m not claustrophobic, it really helped to have my eyes covered.  The only uncomfortable part was that it’s hot as fuck in that machine!  But to my surprise, I fell asleep in there… TWICE!  Sure the machine was loud but the noises it made was a constant noise; and that’s how I can fall asleep.  I can’t sleep in dead silence.  Even if our house is cold, I have to have a fan on.  Just because of the constant noise it makes.

MRI was on Wednesday the 15^th.  Friday the 17^th Dr. S called me and explained that the MRI results show that it is in fact a dermoid cyst, the size of an orange!  WTF!?!?  Since it’s so big she said that I’ve had it for over 5 years.  And now since it’s bigger than what they thought, I can’t have the “simple” outpatient surgery we were already planning on having.  I have to have basically a c-section.  A c-section without a baby.  FML!  Oh and the cyst is IN my right ovary!!!  So there might be a chance that I'll lose it.

My pre-operation meeting with the Dr was this past Tuesday the 21^st.  SURGERY IS TOMORROW!!! Friday the 24^th.  Nervous has hell!  Dr. B (my original RE) is going to be doing my surgery.  Dr. B said that his main goal is to remove the cyst and not take my ovary.  He said he will slice my ovary, peel it back, and make a hole in the cyst and suck the fluid from it so it'll shrink down and make minimal damage to my ovary so he can repair it and I can keep it.  I have to spend at least one night in the hospital.  Plus side is that Northern Starr can stay with me in my hospital room.  That they have a pull out bed for husbands to sleep on, so the wives are more comfortable and at ease knowing someone they love is there with them.

Wish me luck for tomorrow.  I’ll keep yall posted.

Back at the REs

So we had our first RE appointment of this year!!!  Good news and bad news.  I’d like to end this post on a good note, so I’ll start with the bad news first.

*Note:  Our REs office has 3 different doctors.  And they all see each others patients if the clients primary doctor isn’t available.  There’s Dr. S (the only female in the practice), Dr. W, and Dr. B (our RE).*

BAD NEWS:  I asked Dr. S at our visit if we could talk about doing injectables or a combination of clomid and injectables, and if there’s a possibility of doings 2 IUI procedures in the same cycle.  She “checked me” (so uncomfortable, I had to practice my deep breathing to help me from not tensing up).  She still wasn’t able to see my right ovary.  None of the doctors in the practice can see my right ovary.  All possibilities of me doing any medicated cycle with injectables goes out the window.  Our doctors would prefer us to not have anything more than twins.  My left ovary was full!  50+ follicles!!  Oh Mylanta!  So even more so Dr. S doesn’t want to take the chance of giving me injectables L.  She did recommend that I make an appointment with Radiology to have an ultrasound to make sure my right ovary is okay.  Just because no one has ever seen it.  But even if Radiology can see it, if my REs can’t see it, we can’t do injectables.

GOOD NEWS:  My 50+ follicles!  Of course they weren’t mature, but I have A LOT of possible babies in there!  Hooray!  AND Dr. S prescribed me Provera because she saw a lot of lining in my uterus that needs to be shed. Greaaaat…. Can’t you just hear all that sarcasm in my tone?  And then I start the Clomid.  I’ll get monitored on CD14, where they’ll see if my follicles are mature enough and how many of them there are.  Looks like we’re going to have to just go off of what is seen in my left ovary.  If IUI is a go, they’ll give me the trigger shot to take home and take whenever they tell me, and then go in to do my IUI.  We’ve decided that we’re not going to do the 2 IUIs back to back this cycle.  Because Northern Star doesn’t need to do another SA, we want to see what his count will be this time around.  And if it doesn’t look good we’ll do the 2 back to back in the next round.

So happy we’re starting up again.  But we are keeping things to ourselves.  Our parents don’t even know!  A few close friends of ours are the only ones who know.  And of course all of you lovely people.

Lots of love!

Sabrina Starr

I Did It!

I called our REs office and scheduled an appointment. 

Northern Starr was supposed to call and make the appointment because I was just too nervous to do it.  But I did.  Yesterday was my birthday.  And I bet you all know what I wished for when I blew out those candles.  I have to be more productive if we really want a baby.  And we REALLY want a baby!!!

The appointment is scheduled for next Monday.  It's a freakin week away!!!  And Dr B isn't going to be doing my exam because he's working this weekend to do any procedures (IVF, IUI, monitoring).  So I'll be getting "checked" by another doctor, a lady doctor.  The receptionist said that because it's been over a year since we were last there, we will have to do some test.  Just give me the provera and inject ables and lets get this party started!! :-)

It's Been Awhile...

This cycle was a fail.  Let me tell you, it’s pretty hard to keep positive.  I know last post I said that if this cycle failed then we’d call our RE and start having medicated cycles.  I was pretty confident then about this last cycle working.  I’m dreading going back to Dr B.  Don’t get me wrong, we LOVE him.  He’s so sweet and encouraging and doesn’t make me feel like all he wants is our money LOL! 

Dr B’s office is an hour and a half drive from our town.  The town we live in is pretty big and has RE’s, but Northern Starr and I tried out Dr. B because the center he works for is well known, has excellent reviews… plus their website has a little “get to know us” section.  I know that shouldn’t really count, but I liked that everyone who works in that office (even the receptionist) had their picture up with a little biography.  Not like most medical center websites where they only list things about the Drs.  Knowing more about the lady who always answers when I call there, who checks me in, who takes my co-pay… makes me feel more at ease and I kinda feel like I can talk to her about anything.  I know it’s weird but that’s just me ha-ha!

So back to me being unsure about going back to Dr B’s.  I haven’t told Northern Starr yet but I think I want to wait another month and start going back in August.  And I think when we go back; I want to try the inject ables.  I’m scared of needles, but I’ve read some stuff about it and I think it would help us more than just being on Clomid.  He’ll be understanding, but also a little disappointed about waiting another month.  Ugh, maybe I should just do it already, make the call.

Have any of you tried the inject ables?

She's Here!!!

So AF came on her own.  Which she has been but it’s been ALL OVER the place.  From January to mid-April she was off and on, but I did bleed at least once each week during this time frame.  Damn you, irregular periods!!!

But this time…. 43 days of no bleeding, not even spotting.  And she came, and it’s pretty steady so far.  So I’ve made the decision to start temping, charting and peeing on those ovulation test strips.  Northern Starr doesn’t know.  Not that he’d be upset, he’s very understanding… he knows that now after taking such a long break that I don’t want anyone to know we’re trying again.  I just felt like a failure last time.  Everyone knew, and everyone always asked about our treatments.  And then I had to tell EVERYONE that it didn’t work.  It won’t take Northern Starr long to find out that I’m charting again, I mean he will see the ovulation strips in the trash can!

With that being said, if we don’t get pregnant this cycle then we will call our RE and start doing medicated cycles again.  Timing sucks with medicated cycles, summer is so hot where we live, and the medication gives me hot flashes!  Oh joy!!!

Until next time,

Sabrina Starr

Medical

We got married in 2010.  Before then, I had my own medical through my place of employment.  I chose the high deductable plan which in turn gave me an H.S.A. (Health Savings Account).  Not too sure how it all worked but my work put some money into that account for me, X amount of $ every month.

Well when we got married, I dropped my health insurance at my work and became a dependant on Northern Star’s through his work.  Because of this I cut up my H.S.A. card.  While doing our taxes this year we noticed that I still have an H.S.A.  I talked with Human Resources at my work and the representative told me that I need to call the company that handles the health savings accounts to issue me another card because I am entitled to that money.  It was a mistake made on my company’s end, apparently they didn’t “unclick” on the option to turn  off my H.S.A. while they discontinued my benefits.

Yay for us!  Now we have almost $800 to go towards our fertility treatments!!!  We will more than likely use the money towards office visit co-pays and the $60 for the HCG injections we’ll need for our IUIs.  Northern Star’s company has really good insurance.  They’ll pay up to $3,000 for anything fertility wise, BEFORE we need to start paying out of pocket.  Everything seems to be working out…

… Looks like I need to call our RE soon to set up that appointment.

First Post

First Post of my New Blog.

I shut down my first blog because.. Well frankly there was just too much drama.

Yesterday was Mother's Day.  And no, I'm not a "real" mom.  So yesterday kind of sucked for me.  I have two FURbabies, "they" got me a mother's day card.  But it's just not the same.  Not that I'm ungrateful because I did cry.  Just in other people’s eyes, being a FURmom doesn't count. 

North Star (Husband/how I find my way home) and I had dinner with his parents and his sister and her son.  Of course my MIL and SIL got gifts because they're REAL mothers.  But I didn't get any acknowledgements.  Why am I being a sap about this?!?  Ugh, I'm just frustrated people. 

When will I be a real mom?  I want it so badly.  We want it so badly!  It's been almost a year since we went on a break from TTC.  North Star keeps asking me when will I make an appointment with our RE.  As much as I want to have a child, I'm scared shitless!  I just don't think I can handle being disappointed again.  Last year, after all the fertility testing, we did 2 IUIs (all we had money left for).  2 FAILED IUIs.  The medicine made me a mad woman and then to top it off, having the disappointment of negative pregnancy test made me super depressed. 

It's a 50/50 chance.  And I'm just going to have to suck it up.  I'll post on here if I do decide to go back to my RE.

Always,
AStarLightDreamer