She's Here!!!

So AF came on her own.  Which she has been but it’s been ALL OVER the place.  From January to mid-April she was off and on, but I did bleed at least once each week during this time frame.  Damn you, irregular periods!!!

But this time…. 43 days of no bleeding, not even spotting.  And she came, and it’s pretty steady so far.  So I’ve made the decision to start temping, charting and peeing on those ovulation test strips.  Northern Starr doesn’t know.  Not that he’d be upset, he’s very understanding… he knows that now after taking such a long break that I don’t want anyone to know we’re trying again.  I just felt like a failure last time.  Everyone knew, and everyone always asked about our treatments.  And then I had to tell EVERYONE that it didn’t work.  It won’t take Northern Starr long to find out that I’m charting again, I mean he will see the ovulation strips in the trash can!

With that being said, if we don’t get pregnant this cycle then we will call our RE and start doing medicated cycles again.  Timing sucks with medicated cycles, summer is so hot where we live, and the medication gives me hot flashes!  Oh joy!!!

Until next time,

Sabrina Starr

I Would Die For That

 

 

I Would Die For That Lyrics

Performed by Kellie Coffey

Jenny was my best friend.
Went away one summer.
Came back with a secret
She just couldn't keep.
A child inside her,
Was just too much for her
So she cried herself to sleep.

And she made a decision
Some find hard to accept.
To young to know that one day
She might live to regret.

But I would die for that.
Just to have one chance
To hold in my hands
All that she had.
I would die for that.

I've been given so much,
A husband that I love.
So why do I feel incomplete?
With every test and checkup
We're told not to give up.
He wonders if it's him.
And I wonder if it's me.

All I want is a family,
Like everyone else I see.
And I won't understand it
If it's not meant to be.

Cause I would die for that.
Just to have one chance
To hold in my hands
All that they have.
I would die for that.

And I want to know what it's like
To bring a dream to life.
For that kind of love,
What I'd give up!
I would die for that.

Sometimes it's hard to conceive,
With all that I've got,
And all I've achieved,
What I want most
Before my time is gone,
Is to hear the words
"I love you, Mom."

I would die for that.
Just to have once chance
To hold in my hands
What so many have
I would die for that.

And I want to know what it's like
To bring a dream to life.
How I would love
What some give up.
I would die ...
I would die for that.

Lyrics from: http://www.sing365.com/

Medical

We got married in 2010.  Before then, I had my own medical through my place of employment.  I chose the high deductable plan which in turn gave me an H.S.A. (Health Savings Account).  Not too sure how it all worked but my work put some money into that account for me, X amount of $ every month.

Well when we got married, I dropped my health insurance at my work and became a dependant on Northern Star’s through his work.  Because of this I cut up my H.S.A. card.  While doing our taxes this year we noticed that I still have an H.S.A.  I talked with Human Resources at my work and the representative told me that I need to call the company that handles the health savings accounts to issue me another card because I am entitled to that money.  It was a mistake made on my company’s end, apparently they didn’t “unclick” on the option to turn  off my H.S.A. while they discontinued my benefits.

Yay for us!  Now we have almost $800 to go towards our fertility treatments!!!  We will more than likely use the money towards office visit co-pays and the $60 for the HCG injections we’ll need for our IUIs.  Northern Star’s company has really good insurance.  They’ll pay up to $3,000 for anything fertility wise, BEFORE we need to start paying out of pocket.  Everything seems to be working out…

… Looks like I need to call our RE soon to set up that appointment.

First Post

First Post of my New Blog.

I shut down my first blog because.. Well frankly there was just too much drama.

Yesterday was Mother's Day.  And no, I'm not a "real" mom.  So yesterday kind of sucked for me.  I have two FURbabies, "they" got me a mother's day card.  But it's just not the same.  Not that I'm ungrateful because I did cry.  Just in other people’s eyes, being a FURmom doesn't count. 

North Star (Husband/how I find my way home) and I had dinner with his parents and his sister and her son.  Of course my MIL and SIL got gifts because they're REAL mothers.  But I didn't get any acknowledgements.  Why am I being a sap about this?!?  Ugh, I'm just frustrated people. 

When will I be a real mom?  I want it so badly.  We want it so badly!  It's been almost a year since we went on a break from TTC.  North Star keeps asking me when will I make an appointment with our RE.  As much as I want to have a child, I'm scared shitless!  I just don't think I can handle being disappointed again.  Last year, after all the fertility testing, we did 2 IUIs (all we had money left for).  2 FAILED IUIs.  The medicine made me a mad woman and then to top it off, having the disappointment of negative pregnancy test made me super depressed. 

It's a 50/50 chance.  And I'm just going to have to suck it up.  I'll post on here if I do decide to go back to my RE.

Always,
AStarLightDreamer