Furbabies

Introducing........

Sergeant Major (Sarge) and Spike

Holiday Traditions Quiz

I felt this would be a nice thing to do, so my readers can get to know a little more about me and not just my TTC journey.  I follow Katie's Blog and got this Holiday Traditions Quiz from there.  I need to give credit where credit is due, I've never hyper linked before, so I hope the link works for yall.

Egg Nog or Hot Chocolate?   Hot Chocolate.  I can honestly say that I've never tried Egg Nog.  I'm not much of a milk person, and thick milk would gross me out beyond... just beyond lol. 

Does Santa wrap presents or just sit them under the tree?   This may sound sad but because of my family traditions, I don't ever remember knowing the Santa REALLY existed.  Santa never left us presents, they were all from my parents.

Colored lights on tree/house or white?   Growing up it was always colored lights, on the tree and the house.  Now that I've lived on the east coast for a handful of years, I really like the how white lights look so classy and southern.

Do you hang mistletoe?  My first year here a coworker gave me a mistletoe because Northern Starr and I were newly engaged.  And we did hang it, but that's the first and last time I've had a mistletoe.

When do you put your decorations up? Decorations get pulled out of the attic the weekend after Thanksgiving.  And everything is set up by the first weekend of December. 

What is your favorite holiday dish?   My Mom's baked beans.  It's the only time we get to have it.  Now that I'm so far away from my family, I use her recipe and make it for my hubby and I.  It makes a pretty big batch, but that's all I'll eat for a few days.  Breakfast, Lunch and Dinner.  I'll be tootin all day but it's worth it! 

Favorite holiday memory as a child?  My Mom's Mother's birthday is on Christmas Eve.  Our family tradition is to go to her house and celebrate her birthday.  My brothers and cousins and myself, would put on little shows for her.  Singing, dancing... acting, you name it, we did it for her.  I have the best memories putting on the show for her and practicing for the show.  Afterwards, we'd stay up and watch old family movies, to remember all the fun times and the people who were no longer physically with us.  So therefore, because we always stayed up all night and opened presents at midnight, I knew there wasn't a real Santa Claus. 

When and how did you learn the truth about Santa?  See previous answer =].  

Do you open a gift on Christmas Eve? Technically since it's midnight, it's Christmas day... just not Christmas morning.  Now, DH and I just open the gifts my family sends us on Christmas Eve and then spend Christmas day with his family opening presents.

How do you decorate your Christmas tree?   I've always wanted a themed tree.  But for now my tree has white lights, red green and gold ornaments, and some Hawaiian ornaments from back home.  

Snow! Love it or dread it? Growing up in Hawaii - I love snow because I've never had it.  I love the first snowfall and how crisp the air is.

Can you ice skate?  Yes, but not very well.

 

Do you remember your favorite gift? Easy Bake Oven... I got it three years in a row because I always broke it.  After I'd make everything the box gave me to make, I'd use it to dry Barbie's hair after I gave her hair cuts LOL!  

What’s the most important thing about the holidays for you? Spending time with family.  In Hawaii, family is everything.  Not saying that it's not like that here.... I guess Hawaii just takes everything to the next level.  You mess with me and you'll have MY WHOLE family jumping down your throat.  It's like, you mess with one, you mess with the whole tribe lol. 

What is your favorite holiday dessert?  Strawberry Jello Cheesecake.  I don't like cheesecake, but I eat that.  DH ordered a chocolate cheesecake from the new bakery in town, for Christmas dessert.... Ugh.  I don't even eat the thing and he bought it.  It's all fancy so it's expensive. =/ 

What is your favorite holiday tradition?   Putting on shows for my Grandma.

 

What tops your tree?   An angel.  But DH didn't pack her good when we had to put her away last year, so her right cheek has a crack on it.  But all of God's children are beautiful so she will be my tree topper for more years to come.

Which do you prefer giving or receiving?   Can't it be both??  I love picking out the perfect gift for my friends and family.  And I also love gifts for me when they're well thought out.  Most of what I get is stuff I've asked for, so when someone puts their own thoughts into it based on who I am really touches me.

Candy Canes: Yuck or Yum?  I like the fruity flavored ones.  I'm not much of a peppermint person, a cowork gave me a peppermint candy cane attached to a Christmas card this year.... it's still sitting on my desk, and I'll probably throw it out.  

Favorite Christmas show? Movie?   I like How the Grinch Stole Christmas... Jim Carey's version.

Saddest Christmas song?   It'll be sad every time I hear it from now on... But it is a beautiful song.  O Holy Night.  DH's grandfather passed away a week before Thanksgiving this year and that was his absolute favorite Christmas song.  When it comes on the radio, I tear up.  Just all the memories associated to that song.

 

What is your favorite Christmas song?   Mariah Carey's All I Want for Christmas, Is You.  I watch X Factor.  I really wanted Carly Rose Soneclair to win, but on the finale she sang that song.  AMAZING!  I was laying on the couch watching the show, but when she started singing it, I got off the couch and "danced" with my furbabies LOL

IUI #4 is a Go

My ovaries like Bravelle, but not as much as it likes Clomid. I've never had just one mature follicle. It's always been two or three.

But I have a mature follie in my right ovary that 2 days before my IUI was measuring 22mm. Please let this be it. It's so not the perfect time right now because we don't know about our living situation and how that's going to be in the near future. But God knows what we can and can't handle.

Northern Starr wants to be a father so bad. He needs to be a father, and not just to our furbabies. This would be the perfect late Christmas gift. Okay, getting teary eyed.

Less than two weeks until I find out. 3dpiui.

Disappointed

CD 13 mid-cycle check was not good. I had lots and lots of follies but none big enough. Dr. S said that they were going to give me a shot in their office that day and then I’d have to have another shot (all of Bravelle) the next evening. And to come back on Thursday (Thanksgiving) to get checked again.

We did the shots. Went back on Thursday. My 2 follies with the most potential, they measured 10mm on CD 13, actually shrunk! Now one was 8mm and the other 9mm. IUI#4 is now officially canceled.

Dr. S prescribed me Provera 10mg for 7 days so I can shed all of my lining. Apparently my ovaries don’t like the Clomid and Bravelle combo. They’re high maintenance and can only have one or the other, not both at the same time.

New Game Plan:
Take Provera 10mg for 7 days. AF comes 2-4 days after last pill. Start injects on CD3-7. CD 8 have bloodwork and ovary check and we’ll go on from there. Bravelle is costing us an arm and a leg, even with my insurances help. But we can only do a couple more rounds of Clomid because of the lifetime max, IF we decide to go back to Clomid because we know it works and my ovaries LOVE it.

Ugh! I’m disappointed to say the least. Northern Starr has been really sympathetic. He knows there’s nothing he could do to help me with it. I’m more disappointed now because of canceling the IUI than I was when I found out IUI#3 didn’t work. All that medicine and time, wasted. Come on uterus, get pregnant!

Correction

Ovidrel is my trigger shot. Tonight Northern Starr has to give me the inject of Bravelle.

RANT
I understand that you just love being a mom and you keep posting pictures of your precious little ones on Facebook. Those are so totally adorable but to be honest it ALWAYS stings a little when I see them. Even on my good days it stings. But that's not what I'm complaining about. What I am complaining about is why the F do you have to post pictures of your baby bump from when you were pregnant with your precious angels?!?! Just because you love the way you looked pregnant. Give me a break! It's over with, done. Look at your bump pictures on your phone or what you already posted on FB and Instagram from when you were pregnant. There is no damn need to repost it!!!
Rant over.

IUI #4 - Game Plan

So my check up with Dr. S yesterday… I have an ovulatory cyst that she says is small and is nothing to worry about, but they’ll keep a close eye on it. And we came up with a new game plan. Dr. B’s nurse Glenna was there and I love her. She had paperwork filled out for us because she just knew we wanted to be more aggressive now. Glenna came and got us from the waiting room and took us to examination room and said, “What am I going to do with you? I was so sure it was going to work this time! Everything was lining up!”

“Me too, Glenna… Me too”

And then Dr. S comes in once I got undressed and even she was telling us that she thought IUI #3 was it for us. We didn’t tell all of our friends and family that we were doing treatments again, but for the few that did know, even they were shocked it didn’t work out.

GAME PLAN:
150mg Clomid CD 3-7. Ovidrel (forgot the mgs) on CD 9. Mid cycle check on CD 13. IUI on either CD 15 or 16.

Side note, this is the worse boobs and back ache from AF that I’ve ever had!!

IUI #3 :: Negative

I haven’t taken a pregnancy test yet. AF is here, so I know the test will be negative. But I will still POAS tomorrow morning to confirm. We are seeing Dr. S tomorrow afternoon to discuss our options. IVF is out of the question for us. So we know we will do another IUI. But maybe up the meds or do Clomid + injects, or just injects ??? We’ll see what Dr. S recommends and go from there.

I’m surprisingly not as devastated as I thought I’d be. I mean, I am crushed. But the last two IUIs, you couldn’t get me out of bed even if the house was on fire. And here I am, at work, going on about my day like it’s a normal day. I guess it is a normal day. For everyone else. As much as I hyped myself up for it, I’m okay. God knew it wasn’t the right time. My due date would’ve been July 16th. There’s already too many birthdays in July LOL!

Staying positive! Keep sending me positive vibes people!

IUI #3 :: 11dpo

I am now 11dpo. 7dpo I started to have sore nipples. 9dpo it spread out a little, so my whole breast isn’t tender, just my nipples and some of the area around it.

I do not want to get my hopes up but this has never happened to me before. I told Northern Starr about what was happening and he keeps asking, “Well do you think you feel this way because you ‘know’ you’re supposed to feel this way, if you’re pregnant?” I’m not lying. I can’t fake sore boobs. I haven’t had any implantation bleeding, and I feel like I would have already had that by now. There’s been some cramping though, but not sure if it was just gas or an upset tummy. Ugh, the 2WW.

By this time next week, we will know if IUI #3 is Yay or Nay.

IUI #3 and Progesterone Levels

IUI #3 was set for the 25th (CD 17)

At out mid-cycle check we were given the trigger shot to take home, for it to be injected that night between 10-10:30PM. I’m a wuss when it comes to needles. As much as I’ve been probed and picked at throughout our almost 3 years TTC, with needles and ultrasound wands, I have gotten better. Now I watch when they put the needle in me, and I watch them draw my blood. But I cannot make myself give me the trigger shot. Northern Starr does it. And he doesn’t have a problem doing it… again, he is a certified EMT! So IUI #3 was on the 25th. I’m so proud of Northern Starr’s swimmers!!! 94 million!!! That is more than double, almost triple, the swimmers in IUI 1 and 2 combined!!! I have to say, I’m being very optimistic about this cycle! Please keep Northern Starr and I in your thoughts and prayers. As of right now we are in the 2WW.

Yesterday I had to go to the REs yesterday to do an ultrasound to check my progesterone levels. I’ve never had that checked before. Dr. W checked me this time (he also did IUI #3) and he showed us that both of my ovaries are empty, so I did respond great to the medicines and ovulated. And he measured my lining and said that looked perfect as well. I’m not sure if I heard him or understood him right but we think he took a picture of my two mature follicles, but I didn’t think that you’d be able to see that. ??? If any of you ladies reading have had something like this, please help me confirm.

One week left until we find out. I’m trying not to get my hopes up but as Dr. W’s nurse said at yesterday’s appointment, “it looks like the stars are aligning!” Everything looks and sounds as if it is all going to work out. Please let it work out!

Mid-Cycle Check, IUI #3

Northern Starr and I were soooo excited to be able to see my right ovary that we got to our REs 45mins before our appointment lol! But without further a do... Ladies and gents... my right ovary

She has some follies in their too. But none were mature enough to be a contender. On my left side however.... were 2 really good candidates!!! Here they are.

My follicles measured 19x20 and 21x25 We are a go, mission control for IUI#3!!!

CD 7 of IUI#3

My hot flashes have begun.  I started taking Clomid on CD 3, I'm surprised its taken this long.  My last day on Clomid is this Saturday.

I really hope and pray that my follies will be really mature, I want at least 3 "good" ones.  At the end of July, Dr. S saw around 50 follices in my left ovary.  And now that my right ovary should be visible, I'm more optimistic that everything will work out!  I know, I know.... I shouldn't set myself up and jinx it.  I will be devastated if this isn't "THE ONE." 

I wish infertility didn't exsist!  Next month will mark our 3 years of trying to get pregnant.  Lets hope we won't have to mark it ;)

Flash Back Friday

So this morning I was going through some file folders that I haven't looked in, in ages!!!  Here are some pictures of me and my best friends.  My soul sisters... Sisters from another mother (and father)...  I love these girls with all my heart.  And I miss them everyday since I moved away from them to be with Northern Starr, here in Virginia.  But like always, when we're together, it's as if I've never left.  =)

Lehua, Kristin, and Sabrina

Yes, I do have a short tongue, but I do NOT talk with a speech impediment.  In this picture, this is the longest I can stick my tongue out =/

Again, at a Tea Party where we HAD to wear fancy dresses, boas, and tiaras!

Get Crazy! (That's my mother's oldest sister top left)

Pretend like you're sleeping... (Me:  You bitches make like you don't sleep with your mouths open!  All of them:  I don't  Me:  Oh... Well fuck... LOL!!!

Post Operation Check-Up

Overdue again, I blame myself for being lazy.

We got to our REs on the 27^th, waited in the waiting room for a few minutes and Glenna (Dr. B’s nurse) called us back.  She took us straight to the exam room.  Northern Starr said, “Wow, no choice for you, it’s straight to the exam room!”  So we get in there and Glenna tells me to just unbutton my pants and lay down so Dr. B can inspect my incision scar.  Then she left the room.

I just looked at Northern Starr… “They’re not going to look at my ovary?  I want to see it.  I shaved my legs for this!”  Insert Northern Starr’s uncontrollable laughing here. LOL!

Dr. B comes in and checks my scar.  He said that I’m healing just perfectly!!!  I told him that I’m still numb from under my belly button to the top of my scar.  He said that I may never get feeling back there.  It’s all about the way my nerves heal and come together.  Dr. B said that if I do get feeling back, it will come and go a lot.  Insert my shocked face here, and Northern Starr’s “I told you so.”  Hate that he knows a lot of medical stuff.  I’m never right in these situations.  All because he’s a certified EMT.  BLAH!

Afterwards, Dr. B said for me to get dressed and for us to meet him in his office and we’ll go over a few things.  He left; I sat up, got off the table and buttoned back up.  We headed over to his office, down the hallway.  We talked about Provera, which I told him that I wanted because even though I started when I was supposed to after my surgery, it was only for 2 days and really light, so I didn’t have much of a period.  He agreed and wrote the prescription.  Then he asked what we wanted to do as far as treatment.  I said that we want to do Clomid plus injectables.  Dr. B said, “let’s compromise.”  He feels that it’s too soon to jump into something that will over stimulate my ovaries, so we are just going to do Clomid this cycle with the IUI.  Should this cycle not work, we can do Clomid plus the injections.  And possibly back to back IUIs. 

Game plan set.

I started taking the Provera and 5 days after AF came.  I’m on CD 3 now, day 1 of Clomid.  And our mid cycle check is on the 23^rd.

Provera made me more grumpier than usual.  And now, with the Clomid, here comes more moodiness and the hot flashes.  Bring it on!!  It will all be worth it in the end when we are holding our little bundle(s) of joy!

Seeing Dr. B Tomorrow!

So tomorrow is my post operation appointment!  I must say that my scar looks great!  Like in the middle of it, it doesn't even look like I've had surgery!!!

I hope tomorrow Dr. B will do a vaginal ultrasound (weird that I actually want it this time lol) just so I can FINALLY see my right ovary... In all her wonderful, beautiful, magnificent glory =).  This is what IF does people.  I never thought I'd be excited for a Dr to examine my va-jay-jay.  We're also hoping that he will start me on Provera asap so we can get this party started! 

On another note... This will be my first attempt at posting a picture on here.  Hopefully I do it right... Here is a picture of Northern Starr's sisters son.  He's going to be such a heart breaker!!!  16 months old and full of Handsome!!!

Yay I did it!!!  Okay have a great rest of the week yall!  I'll post next week about our appointment with Dr. B and if slash when we will be able to start up treatments.  My FIL got a job in South Carolina, so Northern Starr and I are driving him there and helping him get unpacked and situated this weekend.  Post-Op tomorrow (Thursday), leave for SC Friday, unpack everything Saturday, and then drive back to VA Sunday and it's back to the work week grind. 

Side Note:  Don't worry, I'm still not allowed to carry anything heavy, so I won't be moving any boxes, that's for the boys to do.  I'll be inside unpacking those boxes and putting things away.  =]

Surgery... Part 2

Ugh… Another long overdue post.  I blame trying to get back into the swing of things for this one.

So all I remember is semi waking up in recovery.  I remember hearing a woman’s voice in my right ear and a male voice with an accent in my left.  Lets name them Harry and Sally.  I opened my eyes a little, everything was blurry, but I could see another woman in a hospital bed on the other side of the room.  I couldn’t keep my eyes open for very long.  Harry asked Sally, “What’d they do to her?”  Sally replied, “She had surgery on her right ovary.  They took it.”  *GASP* I wanted to cry.  I wanted to scream.  But I didn’t have control over my own body.  I must’ve fell asleep again, because the next thing I could feel was me being moved around.  Like they were pushing my bed somewhere. 

Then my bed stopped moving.  Harry was still on my left.  I heard him talking to a guy that was now on my right side.  His name is Austin; he was my nurse until 7pm.  Harry told Austin something about needing whatever I was laying on.  Austin rolled my body onto my left side.  I kinda woke up then because I felt weird.  I wasn’t in pain, but just really uncomfortable.  I grabbed onto Harry’s arm to help keep me on my side while Austin pulled the blanket out from under me.

When I was able to lay down normally, my eyes were still closed and I felt someone rubbing my left foot.  And then Northern Starr’s voice, “I’m here baby.  You did so good.  Everything is okay now.”  To which I asked, “Did they take it?”  “No, you still have it.”  He said.  I replied “Don’t lie to me.”  Everyone who was in the room giggled and I passed out again.

Supposedly, I got out of surgery around 3pm.  But when I finally came to, it was around 6pm.  Northern Starr was sitting on the couch/his bed, doing something on his phone and watching TV at the same time.  I groaned because I tried to sit up.  To which he noticed I was finally awake.  He jumped up to help so fast.  But I couldn’t move.  Something kept squeezing my legs.  It was that massager thing, so my blood can still circulate while I’m stationary for a long period of time.  Austin came in; this is when he introduced himself to me and took my vitals. He said all I could “eat” was ice chips and starburst, as long as I let the whole thing dissolve in my mouth before I swallowed.  Every hour Austin came in to check my vitals.  And when he left, Sarah became my nurse.  I didn’t like her.  Her assistant was nicer than she was.  I wish I knew her assistants name.

The next day, Northern Starr left to get him some breakfast from the cafeteria and bring back something for me too since we got the “OK” that I could now try to eat some solids.  While Northern Starr was gone, Dr. W came in to see me!  (I have to say that I have thee BEST team of doctors EVER!)  He checked my incision.  And I asked him if they took my ovary.  He confirmed that they DIDN’T!!!  I asked him what I’d have to do to go home today.  He said that he would imagine all I’d have to do is urinate and walk the hallway a few times.  But he felt I should take things slow and just bank on being discharged the next day.  My heart sank.  But he left and my new nurse (we’ll call her Carla) came in and I told her I was leaving today.

Northern Starr came back and I ate my breakfast.  Nothing fun happened between then and lunch.  Slept, watched TV, and had my vitals checked.  Dr. B came in to check on me around lunch time.  He told me, “So I hear you’re telling everyone you’re going home today.” I nodded.  He said as long as I urinate and walk the hall at least once, I’ll be able to go home.  That when I feel up to it, I have to call their office to schedule my post-op at least 4 weeks from my surgery date.  Done deal!  He left, Northern Starr got us some lunch, and then even though I didn’t feel like I needed to pee, I told him I had too.  Getting up hurt sooooo bad.  I just sat up in the bed and started to cry.  It took me awhile to get to the bathroom, even with my husbands and Carla’s help.  And since I was already out of bed, I had Northern Starr put some pants on me and we walked the hallway.  I am a determined woman! LOL.  I was discharged at 3pm.  Exactly 24hrs after I got out of surgery!

Surgery: Part 1

This is so long overdue… You can blame the pain meds that made me sleep ALL THE TIME and my husband for not setting up our laptop for me to blog about the surgery.

So Thursday, the night before the surgery, we stayed up as long as we could and ate dinner REALLY late since I wouldn’t be allowed to drink or eat anything as of 12am Friday.  We went to bed close to 12am.  Northern Starr fell asleep quick, he tends to do that, he can fall asleep anywhere.  I on the other hand, didn’t fall asleep until 2am.  My alarm goes off at 7am.  Needless to say that I kept waking up throughout that 5 hour span; but I got out of bed, got ready, and we were off on our 1 ½ journey to the hospital.

We arrived at the hospital and checked in.  Almost immediately a nurse brought us back for me to put on “my party dress and party hat” as she called it, and to sign some papers and answer any questions we had.  Later we met the anesthesiologist, Northern Starr asked him if there was anything they could give me to help calm me down because I kept shaking my right foot and twirling my hair LOL!  He said of course and that his nurse would come in and give it to me once my IV was set up.  He left, and my nurse started to hook me up to my IV.  As soon as she did it, I started balling!  It finally hit me… I am having surgery done… today.  You know when little kids cry hysterically?  Eyes screwed shut, mouth wide open, snot rolling out of their nose, and it sounds like they’re having trouble breathing on their own?  Yeah, that was me.  And the funny thing is; I’m not exaggerating.

My nurse then left to find my anesthesiologists’ nurse.  While she was gone, Dr. S came into my room!  She was dressed in scrubs and told me that she was going to be in the operating room with me.  Dr. B was the lead surgeon and that she would be assisting him!  It felt great knowing that both of my REs were going to be “working” on me.  But that didn’t stop my crying.  She left, Dr. B came in… he saw me crying, and he kept telling me that everything is going to be okay and he held my hand and rubbed my leg and he left the room.  Then the anesthesiologist nurse came in and I watched her start to inject the calming medicine into my IV.  I saw the medicine was halfway gone and then I was out.  I do not remember anything after that, the next thing I remembered was semi waking up in the recovery room.

Per Northern Starr this is what happened after I received the calming medicine.

            ***As soon as the nurse gave me all of the calming medicine, I reached down to the foot of my hospital bed, grabbed “my party hat” and put it on my head and started to stuff my hair in it.  I started to get frustrated because not all of my hair was getting in it (thanks layers!).  Northern Starr told me it was okay not to put it all in the hat, but I kept doing it until it was all in there.  I was having conversations with anyone who came into my room.  When it was time for them to roll me back to the operating room, Northern Starr kissed me and told me that he’d see me in recovery, that he loves me, and that I’m so brave for doing this for our soon to be family.  While they pushed me away, I was talking to everyone.***

I really wish I knew what I was saying.  I hope nothing embarrassing LOL.

Late Post... My Bad

A million thoughts have been running through my head since Dr. S called me back with the results of my ultrasound.  I was nervous as hell for my MRI.

The MRI wasn’t all that bad.  But that’s all thanks to the nurse that did it.  She was so sweet and funny, I just wanted to be her friend.  She gave me a washcloth to put over my eyes so I wouldn’t be able to see the machine around me and become claustrophobic.  Even though I know I’m not claustrophobic, it really helped to have my eyes covered.  The only uncomfortable part was that it’s hot as fuck in that machine!  But to my surprise, I fell asleep in there… TWICE!  Sure the machine was loud but the noises it made was a constant noise; and that’s how I can fall asleep.  I can’t sleep in dead silence.  Even if our house is cold, I have to have a fan on.  Just because of the constant noise it makes.

MRI was on Wednesday the 15^th.  Friday the 17^th Dr. S called me and explained that the MRI results show that it is in fact a dermoid cyst, the size of an orange!  WTF!?!?  Since it’s so big she said that I’ve had it for over 5 years.  And now since it’s bigger than what they thought, I can’t have the “simple” outpatient surgery we were already planning on having.  I have to have basically a c-section.  A c-section without a baby.  FML!  Oh and the cyst is IN my right ovary!!!  So there might be a chance that I'll lose it.

My pre-operation meeting with the Dr was this past Tuesday the 21^st.  SURGERY IS TOMORROW!!! Friday the 24^th.  Nervous has hell!  Dr. B (my original RE) is going to be doing my surgery.  Dr. B said that his main goal is to remove the cyst and not take my ovary.  He said he will slice my ovary, peel it back, and make a hole in the cyst and suck the fluid from it so it'll shrink down and make minimal damage to my ovary so he can repair it and I can keep it.  I have to spend at least one night in the hospital.  Plus side is that Northern Starr can stay with me in my hospital room.  That they have a pull out bed for husbands to sleep on, so the wives are more comfortable and at ease knowing someone they love is there with them.

Wish me luck for tomorrow.  I’ll keep yall posted.

Bad News...

My ultrasound was yesterday.  We left feeling confident.  The tech said that she thinks she caught my right ovary on camera; she just needs the radiologist to confirm.  My Dr should have the results Tuesday or Wednesday.

Dr. S called me this morning.  The results are in.  I have (what they think is) a dermoid cyst either in front of, or ON my right ovary and this is the reason why no doctor has ever seen it.  The next step is to have an MRI, which is scheduled for August 15^th.  The MRI will confirm what type of cyst it is.  Dr. S said that dermoid cyst are benign, and that I will need to have surgery to remove it since they can’t “go away” on its own, and since it’s pretty big.

I’m scared.  I’m heartbroken too.  Dr. S said that this cycle is out of the question now.  I can still take the Provera to shed all the lining I still have.  But I cannot take the Clomid.  I’ve never spent the night in the hospital before.  I mean, I have for other people, but never for myself.  I’ve heard different stories though.  The surgery could be a simple outpatient procedure, or I might have to spend the night there.  I guess we’ll learn more about this as we go.

I’m trying to remember… But I think an ex-coworkers daughter had a dermoid cyst.  And once she had it removed, she and her husband had a baby… NATURALLY!  Let’s hope this is the case for us too!

So we’re OUT.  Literally. L

Back at the REs

So we had our first RE appointment of this year!!!  Good news and bad news.  I’d like to end this post on a good note, so I’ll start with the bad news first.

*Note:  Our REs office has 3 different doctors.  And they all see each others patients if the clients primary doctor isn’t available.  There’s Dr. S (the only female in the practice), Dr. W, and Dr. B (our RE).*

BAD NEWS:  I asked Dr. S at our visit if we could talk about doing injectables or a combination of clomid and injectables, and if there’s a possibility of doings 2 IUI procedures in the same cycle.  She “checked me” (so uncomfortable, I had to practice my deep breathing to help me from not tensing up).  She still wasn’t able to see my right ovary.  None of the doctors in the practice can see my right ovary.  All possibilities of me doing any medicated cycle with injectables goes out the window.  Our doctors would prefer us to not have anything more than twins.  My left ovary was full!  50+ follicles!!  Oh Mylanta!  So even more so Dr. S doesn’t want to take the chance of giving me injectables L.  She did recommend that I make an appointment with Radiology to have an ultrasound to make sure my right ovary is okay.  Just because no one has ever seen it.  But even if Radiology can see it, if my REs can’t see it, we can’t do injectables.

GOOD NEWS:  My 50+ follicles!  Of course they weren’t mature, but I have A LOT of possible babies in there!  Hooray!  AND Dr. S prescribed me Provera because she saw a lot of lining in my uterus that needs to be shed. Greaaaat…. Can’t you just hear all that sarcasm in my tone?  And then I start the Clomid.  I’ll get monitored on CD14, where they’ll see if my follicles are mature enough and how many of them there are.  Looks like we’re going to have to just go off of what is seen in my left ovary.  If IUI is a go, they’ll give me the trigger shot to take home and take whenever they tell me, and then go in to do my IUI.  We’ve decided that we’re not going to do the 2 IUIs back to back this cycle.  Because Northern Star doesn’t need to do another SA, we want to see what his count will be this time around.  And if it doesn’t look good we’ll do the 2 back to back in the next round.

So happy we’re starting up again.  But we are keeping things to ourselves.  Our parents don’t even know!  A few close friends of ours are the only ones who know.  And of course all of you lovely people.

Lots of love!

Sabrina Starr

I Did It!

I called our REs office and scheduled an appointment. 

Northern Starr was supposed to call and make the appointment because I was just too nervous to do it.  But I did.  Yesterday was my birthday.  And I bet you all know what I wished for when I blew out those candles.  I have to be more productive if we really want a baby.  And we REALLY want a baby!!!

The appointment is scheduled for next Monday.  It's a freakin week away!!!  And Dr B isn't going to be doing my exam because he's working this weekend to do any procedures (IVF, IUI, monitoring).  So I'll be getting "checked" by another doctor, a lady doctor.  The receptionist said that because it's been over a year since we were last there, we will have to do some test.  Just give me the provera and inject ables and lets get this party started!! :-)

Northern Starr

I was born and raised in Hawaii and Northern Starr was born in North Carolina but raised all over because he’s a “military brat” his dad was in the Air Force.  And his last duty station was in Hawaii.  But we didn’t meet then.

After September 11^th, Northern Starr joined the Army.  After attending boot camp and all his MOS schooling, he was stationed in Korea for 2 years.  We met in a Hawaii chat room, he was in there because he just got word that his next duty station is Hawaii.  Will chatted and talked on the phone basically every day for the 2 months before he was finally stationed in Hawaii.  We met at the airport, and I took him to his base.  It’s been non-stop since then. 

So yes, we’ve known each other for well over 8 years now.  We were never non-stop dating since we first met.  We were both young (I was still a teenager when we first met) and we wanted to experience life, not be tied down.  But deep down inside, we both knew we wanted to spend the rest of our lives together.  We just needed to grow up.  He took longer than I did lol. 

Well now we live in Virginia.  It’s where his parents are.  I moved and left everything and everyone I knew to be with him.  And let me tell you… he is so unbelievably worth it!  I came across a quote on Pinterest the other day and it is exactly him.

“If he… makes you laugh.  Kisses your forehead.  Says he’s sorry.  Makes an effort.  Holds your hand.  Works hard.  Attempts to understand you. …then, believe it or not, he’s quite perfect.”

Yup, that’s my hubby!  God, I love this man!!!!

It's Been Awhile...

This cycle was a fail.  Let me tell you, it’s pretty hard to keep positive.  I know last post I said that if this cycle failed then we’d call our RE and start having medicated cycles.  I was pretty confident then about this last cycle working.  I’m dreading going back to Dr B.  Don’t get me wrong, we LOVE him.  He’s so sweet and encouraging and doesn’t make me feel like all he wants is our money LOL! 

Dr B’s office is an hour and a half drive from our town.  The town we live in is pretty big and has RE’s, but Northern Starr and I tried out Dr. B because the center he works for is well known, has excellent reviews… plus their website has a little “get to know us” section.  I know that shouldn’t really count, but I liked that everyone who works in that office (even the receptionist) had their picture up with a little biography.  Not like most medical center websites where they only list things about the Drs.  Knowing more about the lady who always answers when I call there, who checks me in, who takes my co-pay… makes me feel more at ease and I kinda feel like I can talk to her about anything.  I know it’s weird but that’s just me ha-ha!

So back to me being unsure about going back to Dr B’s.  I haven’t told Northern Starr yet but I think I want to wait another month and start going back in August.  And I think when we go back; I want to try the inject ables.  I’m scared of needles, but I’ve read some stuff about it and I think it would help us more than just being on Clomid.  He’ll be understanding, but also a little disappointed about waiting another month.  Ugh, maybe I should just do it already, make the call.

Have any of you tried the inject ables?

She's Here!!!

So AF came on her own.  Which she has been but it’s been ALL OVER the place.  From January to mid-April she was off and on, but I did bleed at least once each week during this time frame.  Damn you, irregular periods!!!

But this time…. 43 days of no bleeding, not even spotting.  And she came, and it’s pretty steady so far.  So I’ve made the decision to start temping, charting and peeing on those ovulation test strips.  Northern Starr doesn’t know.  Not that he’d be upset, he’s very understanding… he knows that now after taking such a long break that I don’t want anyone to know we’re trying again.  I just felt like a failure last time.  Everyone knew, and everyone always asked about our treatments.  And then I had to tell EVERYONE that it didn’t work.  It won’t take Northern Starr long to find out that I’m charting again, I mean he will see the ovulation strips in the trash can!

With that being said, if we don’t get pregnant this cycle then we will call our RE and start doing medicated cycles again.  Timing sucks with medicated cycles, summer is so hot where we live, and the medication gives me hot flashes!  Oh joy!!!

Until next time,

Sabrina Starr

I Would Die For That

 

 

I Would Die For That Lyrics

Performed by Kellie Coffey

Jenny was my best friend.
Went away one summer.
Came back with a secret
She just couldn't keep.
A child inside her,
Was just too much for her
So she cried herself to sleep.

And she made a decision
Some find hard to accept.
To young to know that one day
She might live to regret.

But I would die for that.
Just to have one chance
To hold in my hands
All that she had.
I would die for that.

I've been given so much,
A husband that I love.
So why do I feel incomplete?
With every test and checkup
We're told not to give up.
He wonders if it's him.
And I wonder if it's me.

All I want is a family,
Like everyone else I see.
And I won't understand it
If it's not meant to be.

Cause I would die for that.
Just to have one chance
To hold in my hands
All that they have.
I would die for that.

And I want to know what it's like
To bring a dream to life.
For that kind of love,
What I'd give up!
I would die for that.

Sometimes it's hard to conceive,
With all that I've got,
And all I've achieved,
What I want most
Before my time is gone,
Is to hear the words
"I love you, Mom."

I would die for that.
Just to have once chance
To hold in my hands
What so many have
I would die for that.

And I want to know what it's like
To bring a dream to life.
How I would love
What some give up.
I would die ...
I would die for that.

Lyrics from: http://www.sing365.com/

Medical

We got married in 2010.  Before then, I had my own medical through my place of employment.  I chose the high deductable plan which in turn gave me an H.S.A. (Health Savings Account).  Not too sure how it all worked but my work put some money into that account for me, X amount of $ every month.

Well when we got married, I dropped my health insurance at my work and became a dependant on Northern Star’s through his work.  Because of this I cut up my H.S.A. card.  While doing our taxes this year we noticed that I still have an H.S.A.  I talked with Human Resources at my work and the representative told me that I need to call the company that handles the health savings accounts to issue me another card because I am entitled to that money.  It was a mistake made on my company’s end, apparently they didn’t “unclick” on the option to turn  off my H.S.A. while they discontinued my benefits.

Yay for us!  Now we have almost $800 to go towards our fertility treatments!!!  We will more than likely use the money towards office visit co-pays and the $60 for the HCG injections we’ll need for our IUIs.  Northern Star’s company has really good insurance.  They’ll pay up to $3,000 for anything fertility wise, BEFORE we need to start paying out of pocket.  Everything seems to be working out…

… Looks like I need to call our RE soon to set up that appointment.

First Post

First Post of my New Blog.

I shut down my first blog because.. Well frankly there was just too much drama.

Yesterday was Mother's Day.  And no, I'm not a "real" mom.  So yesterday kind of sucked for me.  I have two FURbabies, "they" got me a mother's day card.  But it's just not the same.  Not that I'm ungrateful because I did cry.  Just in other people’s eyes, being a FURmom doesn't count. 

North Star (Husband/how I find my way home) and I had dinner with his parents and his sister and her son.  Of course my MIL and SIL got gifts because they're REAL mothers.  But I didn't get any acknowledgements.  Why am I being a sap about this?!?  Ugh, I'm just frustrated people. 

When will I be a real mom?  I want it so badly.  We want it so badly!  It's been almost a year since we went on a break from TTC.  North Star keeps asking me when will I make an appointment with our RE.  As much as I want to have a child, I'm scared shitless!  I just don't think I can handle being disappointed again.  Last year, after all the fertility testing, we did 2 IUIs (all we had money left for).  2 FAILED IUIs.  The medicine made me a mad woman and then to top it off, having the disappointment of negative pregnancy test made me super depressed. 

It's a 50/50 chance.  And I'm just going to have to suck it up.  I'll post on here if I do decide to go back to my RE.

Always,
AStarLightDreamer